Rela Life Stories

Ever since I can remember, I have always felt second-best. As a child growing up, my parents were always boasting and showing delight about my extroverted older sister. I on the other hand was always admonished for being quiet and reserved even though I was the proverbial 'good child'.

In the neighborhood, our friends would always showed preference to hang out with my sister. Once, a mutual friend broke my friendship with me because my sister asked her to.As an adult, expanding my world away from being focused on my family only was a relief. However, the feeling of being second-best is always there. In groups of friends I feel like if I'm just tagging along. The fear of friendships being broken if one of them asks the other or a new person comes along is ever present.Relationships are even worse.

I am 23 and have never had a boyfriend due to the fact that I believe he will leave me for a better partner, is just settling or that he is dating me out of pity. Twice this has been confirmed. Just last year (2010) a guy I had met at Church who asked me to be his girlfriend openly flirted with my cousin while I just stood there. I had told him to first get to know each other better before making the commitment. Needless to say I immediately made my decision then and there.

I know that some of the events that prove my theory of second-best may be due to a self-fulfilling prophecy. However I can't get rid of this belief that seems to be embedded in me. Therefore I try to give my best in any form of relationship but I am always prepared to let go if I am cast away, and to accept it and move on. Though this may not be the most satisfactory way to live especially when haunted by the fear, I reason that it is the best way to protect my heart.Trisha.

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