Feelings and emotions

by Carla Valencia

We all know that feelings and emotions are not the same. If you are remembering something like a summer vacation that you enjoyed. These memories provoke some feelings of peacefulness within you. The emotional reaction then would be: "I am peaceful".

On the other hand, if you are remembering something terrible that happened to you, these memories might provoke some feelings of agitation within you. The emotional reaction would be: "I am angry".

Positive feelings will make you feel good, expanded, your heart open. When you experience negative feelings you feel bad. You lack vitality and energy.

Our feelings and emotions aren't good or bad. If you have a healthy self esteem you will use your emotions in a positive way. This is emotional intelligence. Let's say you feel anger , instead of deny it or use this anger to get revenge, you can use it to reach a goal.

To have a good self esteem you need to have a positive but true self-evaluation so you can take care of yourself and know what you need.

If you deny feelings and emotions it will be hard to take care of yourself. You cannot either deny nor avoid them. But you can always find a way to understand and transform or release them .

Some mechanisms that keep us out of touch from some emotions according to John Bradshaw.

• Denial and Fantasy Bonding: In the face of threat, people deny what is going on, or they deny the hurt of what is going on or the impact on their lives. They act like nothing happened. For example: there is nothing wrong with me. Fantasy bonding is an illusory connection to another person to establish in their intimate associations, a process that leads to deterioration in the relationship. Is the use of imagination to to relieve pain . Is to make an illusion of connection and closeness, that allows to maintain a certain emotional distance while relieving loneliness.
• Numbing out: You don't feel any emotions. It has to do with tensing muscles, changing breathing patterns's and fantasizing abandonment. Is learning to avoid the avoidance to avoid the pain or heal the grief..
• Dissociation: Is a form of instant numbing. It involves denial and regression but includes strong elements of distracting imagination. Is the lack of connection between things usually associated with each othe.
• Des personalization: Is the lost of awareness of inner experience. We experience ourselves as an object. Is the sense of being detached from our body.

We are usually not aware of this internal mechanism because we are protecting ourselves from the pain. The best way to understand our emotions and feelings is through awareness. Living on denial will lead you to behaviors that do not support you and you will be stuck in a vicious circle.

The first step is to recognize what you feel . say for example : " I am angry. ". Deal with the problem by taking responsibility . Take responsibility without blaming anyone . It is also really important to know the real cause . Think about the real causes . What I feel and why? . Sometimes is not about a present event, it could be possible that the event triggers an unresolved wound from the past. Once you have gone through this steps use any technique to release your negative emotion.

Guilt | Jealousy | anger | Self-pity | Emotional infidelity

Emotional Intelligence is a way of recognizing, understanding, and choosing are thoughts , feelings and how we and act. It shapes our interactions with others and our understanding of ourselves. --From Handle With Care : Emotional Intelligence Activity Book

Emotional Intelligence resources