self esteem is not developed by an external stimulus. It is an internal process. Self Esteem therefore is a way of thinking, feeling and behaving that implies that you accept, respect, trust and believe in yourself.
Here are some behaviors, emotions, and low self-esteem causes.
|Behaviors and attitudes.|
|Emotions and Feelings.|
|Causes of Low Self Esteem|
Understanding five symptoms of Low Self esteem
Self esteem refers to a person’s sense of intrinsic worth or personal value. It also encompasses how one appraises himself in terms of his personal capacity and ability to cope with life’s challenges. People with good self esteem appreciate their personal worth, have confidence in their abilities, and generally feel good about themselves.
But what happens when self esteem hits a low?. How do you recognize low self-esteem in others, or even in yourself?. Below are the descriptions and explanations of the 5 low self esteem symptoms that include self-hate, perfectionism, feeling worthless, fear and anxiety, and anger.
People with low self-esteem often feel angry and frustrated about the person that they are. Often, this anger towards the self is rooted in previous experiences of being neglected, abandoned, hurt, or abused. These offenses normally trigger hatred towards the offender, but repeated or severe trauma may eventually leave the victim feeling like he or she somehow deserved the mistreatment. As a result, the loathing and anger that arose out of these negative experiences become misdirected inwardly, and the person ends up hating himself or herself instead.
Self-Hate involves not only feeling deserving of being hurt and going through bad things, but also feeling unworthy of experiencing success or accomplishing good things. This negative self-judgment can eventually spiral into self-sabotage, where the person does actions that will prevent him or her from achieving success even when success is possible. People with low self esteem do this in order to fit their mentality that they are failures and are good for nothing; in which case, their negative self-image becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy that continues the cycle of further lowering their sense of inner worth.
Self-hate is outwardly manifested through such signs as emotional detachment, unexplained outbursts of rage, alcohol or drug abuse, and self-harming actions like cutting. People who struggle with self-hate also often experience internal monologues that affirm they are worthless, deserve to be abused or treated poorly, are too weak and pathetic, and don’t deserve to be comforted.
Perfectionism as a sign of low self esteem is a product of defense mechanisms executed in an attempt to bolster self esteem. Feeling inadequate inside, they devote tremendous amounts of effort and energy into filling up or compensating with this perceived sense of inadequacy. As a result, they will usually exert an abnormally large amount of time and effort into making sure that they are always the best dressed in the party, that they don’t have a hair out of place, that they get perfect grades in school, or that they get named Best Employee every month at work.
They usually have very high ideals for themselves, often to the point of having unrealistic goals. To the perfectionists, getting it 99% right is still considered a failure. They have a black-and-white, all-or-nothing frame of mind, so anything less than perfection-even at a small margin-is not good enough. They get very upset and tremendously disappointed with themselves when they make a mistake in front of others, and even the most trivial mistakes make them feel like they have committed a mortal sin. They will spend large amounts of time replaying these upsetting scenes in their mind, incessantly evaluating what they could have done better.
People with low self esteem feel a nagging sense of worthlessness. They feel insignificant in the grand scheme of things, and believe that they have nothing valuable or worthy to offer anyone or the world as a whole. Often, they feel devoid of a sense of life purpose, and even go as far as believing that their life is not as important or valuable as that of others. They feel helpless and may give up hope that they are capable of doing anything that can improve their life and turn things around for the better.
As a result, they begin showing signs of poor performance, as their loss of hope and feelings of hopelessness diminish any sense of drive and ambition that they might have previously had. Ultimately, they stop trying to achieve anything, and may display lethargy, withdraw from relationships, and start neglecting normal self-care habits such as brushing hair, showering, washing clothes, or even eating.
Fear and Anxiety
Those with low self esteem also struggle with feelings of fear and anxiety that are often irrational and inappropriate. They fear doing something that may confirm their long-held suspicion that they are indeed failures, and also fear doing things that may bring the risk of others seeing their inadequacies. Consequently, they may fall into inaction and underachievement, as they refuse to challenge themselves to new projects and tasks for fear of not measuring up to expectations and risking humiliation. Because they may also view themselves as inadequate and incapable, they go through life in constant anxiety about their ability to make sound decisions and solve life problems effectively.
People with low self esteem tend to be self-focused and are prone to be constantly on the lookout for signs of rejection and disapproval from others. As a result, their oversensitivity can often lead them to conclude that others are always rejecting them or disapproving their actions because they are intrinsically inadequate and unworthy. Their feelings are thus easily hurt, and for a time, this hurt and anger may be repressed. But as their negative feelings continue to build up, eventually, small triggers can easily provoke them and they may demonstrate passive-aggressive behaviors. They are quick to anger and trivial matters can set off outbursts of fury.
If you recognize most or any of these 5 low self esteem symptoms in yourself or someone you care about, know that they may represent a deeper issue that needs to be addressed. Seek support, professional assessment, and counseling if necessary. Low self esteem may be a psychological concern, but without proper intervention it can affect many other areas in life, and keep you or your loved one from living a happy and fulfilled life.
Low Self Esteem – What to do
- Low self esteem stops you to acknowledge your qualities. Review your qualities, celebrate them and also identify your skills. Every time you do something well, praise your achievement. Keep focus on the things you do well, see yourself in a positive state.
- Don’t compare with others, start building confidence instead. You are not better nor worst than anyone. You are perfect the way you are right now . You have value, your life has value because you are alive. Everyone is different and we are all valuable.
- Be with people that are positive and support you. Choose right minded friends that really care . Avoid people that put you down, criticize you and try to make you feel bad.
- Never put yourself down. With this tendency, you repeat negative comments regarding your skills and abilities. Watch your inner-talk.
- Accept compliments. When somebody gives you a compliment say: “Thank you”. Don’t allow guilt, justifications or give explanations. Learn to receive and be open to it.
- Acknowledge your success. Write 5 things you were successful. For example: I made dinner. I took out the garbage, etc. Every day there is a good thing that happen to you, even if it is and small event become aware of it. It will help building your self confidence.
- Do something you enjoy. A hobby, read a book, read a magazine, walk in the park , exercise and so on. Feel the joy while you are doing this activities. It will increase your sense of own value and enjoyment.
- Make a contribution to the world. Contribute to a cause, volunteer. Make your life worth it.
Avoid practicing this tips all at once. Remember that taking small steps is more effective than taking a big one. Just take a tip until it becomes a habit.