Causes of Low Self Esteem: Parent Negligence

What exactly is parent negligence?

 That can be a tough question to answer.

 It isn't always against the law - like child abuse is.  It isn't always physical mistreatment.  It doesn't always come in the form of nasty, vile comments.  But anything that your parents did that left you feeling worthless or unloved counts as parent negligence.

 As a young child, you may not have even fully understood what was happening to you.  At the time, you may have just felt abandoned and insignificant - but didn't realize why.

 My  father traveled a lot when I was  young, and whenever he was away, my mother never bothered to cook.  She use to  said something like, "Since your father isn't here, we can eat whatever we have in the refrigerator."  But then, once my  father returned, my mother made all sorts of special meals - leaving me to feel like I was not  worthy of special dinners.  After all, if you were, your mother would have made them for you whether your father was home or not.

For many years I repeated the behavior. I did not bother to make a meal for myself if my husband was not home. Again and again I felt like I was not special enough for a good meal. Behavior and thoughts like these are a direct result of the parent negligence you suffered as a child.

And it's instances like these that take a real toll on your self esteem, even decades later. So, how do you overcome parent negligence?

1. Build your esteem

It's never too late to work on building your self esteem. It might take some work to overcome years of low self esteem, but it can be done. You have to start by understanding that what your parents did says more about them than it does about you. My mother refusing to cook for me proves that she was simply being mean. It doesn't mean that I am worthless; I was merely the one who happened to be victimized.


2. Forgive

This might be easier said than done, but forgiveness can go a long way towards healing. As long as you're still angry over the parent negligence you suffered, you will never be able to truly get past it. Even if you never receive an apology from your parents, work hard to forgive them.


3. Have some self-respect

Don't fall into your old habits. Now if my husband goes out of town, I make it a point to cook a nice dinner for myself. Doing little things like that go a long way towards building self-respect. And if you respect yourself, other people will respect you, too.