Self Esteem Newsletters Issue # 53
New at www.selfesteemawareness.com this month
- - New!. Take my FREE 7-Part Mini E-Course. I will Will guide you to improve Your Esteem!. Read more at: FREE 7-Part Mini E-Course. Sign up Now! and receive an special discount on my products and a FREE surprise Gift when you finish the mini course.
- - Your comments and thoughts updated at FAQ page
This week, I’d like to share with you an article about People Clutter. Who we spend time with can affect how we live. Using people to make your life shine. Learn about Life Assets and how to become one. I hope you enjoy this article.
In this issue: Fear of Failure
People Clutter - Is the Company You Keep Holding You Back?
By Wendy Davie
When we think about clutter the first thing that comes to mind is "Stuff", "Junk" & "Mess". All these things can have an impact on how you think, feel and perform. There is another type of clutter that can have an equally negative effect on your ability to perform, yet it is easily overlooked. People clutter, this is the clutter caused by spending time with people who do not help you in your endeavor to feel good about yourself.
In the past four years in my work as a Professional organiser, I have seen the effects of clutter on people in all types of environments both at work and at home. There has been in many cases the need to work alongside clients who on the outside appear incredibly organised. When you scratch the surface you find that the clutter they are dealing with is a lot deeper than piles of paper or stuff. It comes right down to the company they keep!
So how do you stop People Clutter from having a negative impact on your life? The strategies are very similar to the sorting and purging of physical clutter.
IDENTIFY THE ENEMY:
Take some time to sit and write a list of all the people you spend time with regularly. This list should include family, friends, colleagues, and acquaintances. Once you have completed the list take some time to identify the dominant emotion that you feel when you are with that person, and then how you feel after you have spent time with them.
Try not to think too hard and write the emotion that comes to mind beside the person's name.
Once you have done this split the list into two. Have a positive list for all the people you feel warm fuzzy emotions about and a negative list for those who do not make you feel so great. It is really important that you do not categorise people how you think you should feel about them, but by how you really feel about them. Yes, you will have loved ones on your negative list. That is OK; we will deal with them later.
Take the negative list and then break it down into who you NEED to spend time with, for example work colleagues or family members and those who you can get by without spending time with.
Congratulations you have just done your first people clutter purge, what you have done is identify people who make you feel negative and do not really need to spend time with. These are the people who you now must avoid whenever and wherever possible. Now that you have identified how they make you feel you will not want to spend time with them, you have identified your enemy.
The types of people who regularly appear on this list are:
- Victims: You know the type who always have things go wrong in their lives and it is always someone else's fault.
- Soothsayers: No matter how well things are going they are always there with a tale of potential doom and gloom.
- People Pleasers: Always say and do what they think other people expect of them, can never say no.
- Sickles: these are the ones that will always cut you off at the knees when you are doing well.
Unfortunately there will be people on your people clutter list that you cannot avoid. You could be married to one of these people or worse still married to the son or daughter of one of these people. It could be your boss or the person who sits next to you at work. Then what do you do?
There are ways to deal with people clutter you need to spend time with and make life a little easier by reducing the negative effect they are having on you. Often this is known as "killing them with kindness".
You need to firstly tell them you are over the way you feel when you are with them and you are changing so that you can feel more positive about being with them. Yep, because it really is about the way you feel, and the only one that can change how you feel is you. You may be surprised to find that they never realised you had difficulty or felt bad, and they may have a solution if they open up and talk to you about it. Maybe you make them feel bad to, and it all stems back to a miscommunication years ago. If this person is important enough to you not to have been purged out of your life, they are important enough to sit and talk to about this.
There will be people who still make you feel negative and bad about yourself, because they seem to get some perverse pleasure out of it or they are just oblivious to this personality clash. It is important you only spend time with these people when you really need to. Do not go out of your way to spend time with people like this; actually avoid these meetings wherever possible. When you are with them treat them as you want to be treated, and do not allow yourself to be drawn into the usual negative feelings and end the meeting as quickly as possible. Be conscious that you could be also having a negative impact on them and try to leave the other person feeling better at the end of the meeting; this is a great challenge and will keep you on the positive. Ask yourself, "what can I do to make this persons day better?"
LIFE ASSETS:
A life asset is anybody that appears on your positive people list. The wonderful thing about having this list is you know where to go and seek out good vibes. No doubt when you are with these people you give off positive vibes as well.
A life asset must be nurtured and protected as these are the people that will help you achieve whatever you want to in life. These are the people who lift you up if you are feeling down, carry you on a wave of enthusiasm and are infectious with their gratitude. It is important that you become a life asset in return, also be a life asset to those who had previously made you feel negative and cannot purge from your life.
We come across life assets in some surprising places and always been on the alert for people who encourage you, speak positively and make you feel great. Once you find these people latch on, as they can help propel you forward on the road to success and you by nature will do the same for them.
WHY BOTHER?
Well if you are happy spending time with people who rain on your parade, make you feel bad, are always whining and generally find life is not all it's cracked up to be then fine. Just do not expect to achieve great things in your own life as you will always be influenced by the people and emotions you surround yourself with.
Yet if you want to make a difference to your own and the lives of other, achieve success in your personal and work life and spend most days feeling fantastic then this will happen a lot faster if you purge the people clutter from your life.
Sure you may lose a few friends along the way, but were they the types of friends you would want to keep anyway. On the upside you will gain many more friends that will be by your side in the good time and the challenging times.
Seek out people who do what you are want to do or are being what you want to be. Ask them about their lives, get to know them and understand what actions have propelled them to where they are. Start to mirror their actions and emotions and soon you will become an inspiration to others, and they will begin to seek you.
Most importantly become a life asset to people, be the person other positive people want to spend time with. Get out a find other like minded people to foster ideas and generate positive energy.
Clearing your life of people clutter will have a positive impact on your life personally and professionally, it will be challenging however the payoff will be amazing. Surround yourself with life assets and become a life asset to others, your possibilities will be endless.
Wendy Davie CPO (R)
Totally Organised Ltd
http://www.totallyorganised.co.nz
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Wendy_Davie http://EzineArticles.com/?People-Clutter---Is-the-Company-You-Keep-Holding-You-Back?&id=4229910
Please get in touch! What did you like about this issue or want to see next time?. Or just send a comment. Fill the form bellow.