Are you too nice?
Thoughts of inspiration " You get treated in life the way you teach people to treat you". - Wayne Dyer |
Are you too nice? by Carla Valencia
Some of us have been taught that we have to be nice to win other's people approval. I personally tried to be nice for a long time. Not only because my mother was "too nice", but because by seen her acting that way I was convinced that was the only way to get others love and approval.
Through the years I have understood that being "too nice" was the reason for me to feel used, taken for granted and a doormat. This is a sign of low self esteem. If you don't stand up to have your needs met and honor your values, nobody will.
One way I found helpful to learn to stand up for myself was to redefine what makes a person nice. Nice means being courteous, kind and respectful of others. The dictionary define nice as exhibiting courtesy and politeness.
Nice does not mean doing favors indiscriminately or trying to be agreeable all the time. It does not mean putting everyone's needs ahead of yours. If you are "too nice" you might have become people pleaser. I have found a great definition for this term: People pleasers are doormats who let high expectations, resentment, and saying yes when they mean no run their lives. This has also been linked to codependence .
Remember that nobody can take advantage or treat you poorly if you don't allow it. You can change your response to people and become a nice person without being a people pleaser or being "too nice". Here is how:
- Explain, don't complain. People become defensive and don't listen objectively if you whine, nag, lecture or put them down. Explain what is bothering you in a calm, respectful and friendly manner and you will have a better chance of being heard.
- Stop Apologizing
- Smile whenever possible. Smiling puts others and yourself in a better mod. So do not act aggressive.
Too Nice for Your Own Good : How to Stop Making 9 Self-Sabotaging Mistakes
Set boundaries with friends, coworkers and family and feel satisfied with your interactions by taking responsibility for how people treat you. As Wayne Dyer once said: You get treated in life the way you teach people to treat you.
Codependency
Codependency Codependency is not a disease , it is an emotional and behavioral condition that is learned and affects the ability to have a healthy relationship with others.
Recommended pages
- Self Esteem Audiobooks . Self-Help audio books for building your esteem and confidence .Listen in the car, at the gym on your iPod, or at your computer while you are doing other tasks.
- Check Fear of rejection is an irrational fear of not being accepted for who you are. Fear of rejection is cause by lacking confidence and self esteem.
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