Setting Boundaries in Relationships
Self esteem Newsletter Issue # 45
This week, I’d like to share with you an article about Setting Boundaries
Thoughts of inspiration
"Self-image sets the boundaries of individual accomplishment.". - Maxwell Maltz
Setting Boundaries by Carla Valencia
For us to have healthy relationships with other people, we have to know how to set boundaries. It is your responsibility to take care of yourself, and setting boundaries means that you have limits on what you will put up with from other people or allow them to do to you; it also means that check your own behavior. You are not a baby-you don't want to put everything you come across into your mouth!.
Setting boundaries will help you to separate your needs, thoughts, and feelings from those of others, so that you know who you are and are not controlled by others. It will also help other people know how to treat you, and help clarify for them how much are you willing to give of your time and energy.
Signs that show that you don't know how to set boundaries.
- Having a hard time standing up for yourself. If you let other people walk all over you, if you can't say "no" even when you feel that you really should or need to, then you are not very good at setting boundaries.
- Agreeing to do things that you really don't want to do. You should never do anything for someone else that you really don't want to (unless you have to for the sake of your job). This doesn't mean that you are unkind and self-centered, though; after all, you should desire to be helpful and generous for others. But once again, that does not mean that you let others control or manipulate you.
- Take things personally when you shouldn't. We cannot please everybody all the time or be all things to all people. When we try to do this, when we are upset if we can't do this, we have to set better boundaries
- Tolerating rude comments or abusive people because you don't know how to handle it. There are times when we have to just walk away from this, but that never means that we accept what the abusive person has said about us. Above all, we never have to take that kind of treatment. .
If you have been taught that taking care of others is more important than taking care of yourself, or that to take care of yourself means others will reject and abandon you, will not be able to set good boundaries.
How to set boundaries in Relationships
- Be direct and firm. For instance, if someone is yelling at you for no good reason, make it very clear that they have to knock it off or you'll leave the room. Being assertive does not mean being insensitive; it simply means you don't put up with the insensitivity of others.
- Do not feel the need to always explain and defend yourself. Be who you are.
- Learn to overcome guilt. Feelings of guilt are evil-because when you feel guilty, it's not your mistakes that you hate, it's yourself.
Your life can only be healthy if you set boundaries. Life experiences may inspire you to change those boundaries in the future. But you have to have them, for your own sake.
What does it mean being assertive?. Is to have the ability to respond to other people maintaining one's rights while respecting other people rights. Find out more about Assertiveness
- Self Respect. I was walking down the street the other day and I happened to see a big advertising that said: self respect. On the advertising there was a picture of a girl , but when I read it more carefully I found that it was and advertising about AIDS.
- Check Saying No
Where to go from here