Real Self Esteem Stories

Naomi, who is one of those people who in addition to being very talented with a camera, also throws the most amazing birthday parties for her friends, and is thoughtful and wise and kind and intelligent, left a comment, and then e-mailed me. It made me think and rethink and talk about what she had said in her comment, and also in her thoughtful e-mail. There are always several layers of understanding to unravel.

Because, you see, I am an addict...No, never alcohol or drugs or cigarettes or promiscuous sex or gambling.

(My birth mother was a drug addict. And I was born with what they now know were withdrawal symptoms. It was evidently so bad and I cried and shook so hard and so long that I ended up with a double hernia, which went untreated until I was three years old.)

But I am an addict nonetheless. For me, it was every few years an addiction to a man. Denial, refusal to face or see the truth, rationalization, justification, clinging to what was bad for me in exchange for a few minutes of pleasure, obsessing about it, staying stuck, feeling victimized, not wanting to change, tears, anger, staying in it, thinking I wanted help but help being anything but letting go, refusing to heal by channeling my life into a different direction, and grieving instead of living.

Blindly, I repeated this pattern since I was eighteen. And I have been to the depths of despair with my addiction...

So... it's not really that different at all... And if I can see the commonalities, I can also see the root cause of a lack of self-esteem, so what ought not to be a painful incident becomes an overwhelmingly painful one. The issue that always keeps coming up that needs to be looked at and healed. And until it does, the pattern repeats, giving me yet another chance to "do it right this time"...

The show highlights individuals in the worst stages of the disease, shows nothing sympathetic about them where you can see any good sides, and then gives them loads of sympathy and enabling from all who know them.

Most of what I got in real life was people withdrawing from me because I was clingy and stuck and so unhealthy in those relationships, or people who bluntly told me to get over it and move on. I didn't get the coddling from everyone that the people on the show got, and that made me jealous. But I didn't face that, instead I hid behind anger.

Yet I also had been at that moment disregarding the three dear friends in real life, as well as bloggers, who gave me lifelines, who definitely were there for me, and that was a HUGE help. And so have the endless seminars, workshops, therapy sessions, and insightful blogs, etc. that cumulatively have brought me to where I am today.

Which is, I want to believe, a healthier place where self-esteem is actually a feeling now, and not just a phrase that really has no meaning because I never knew what it felt like in my life (except for work).)

And rather than going to an attitude of enlightenment and compassion and understanding, seeing this, I went for attitude -- which was my post. Thinking I was no longer an addict -- because now I know better/wouldn't do it again, I went straight for judgment, to distance myself, instead of empathy because I've been there/done it...

Thank you for bringing this to my attention with such gentleness and wisdom, Naomi. I learned something valuable from it.

Genuinely,Annie

In Conclusion

Annie exemplifies all that was said above about addictions and addicts. Her courage and her ways of overcoming need to be seen as an example for all addicts or people who think they my be addicted to something or someone. Thank you Annie for your story.

Read Self Esteem stories | Send your Self Esteem Story | Questions and feedback