Selfesteem Faq

Most frequently Asked Questions to solve your problems

I have compiled this FAQ section to answer the most common self esteem and confidence issues you my have. If after reading these you would like to contact me for more specific information then please do so at carlavalencia@healthy-selfesteem.com

Most Common Questions:

FAQ topic 1 – Self esteem and Confidence

Q. Will you please guide me how to boost my self esteem?. Because my self esteem is very low. I want to overcome this problem and I want your help and the guidelines. I hope that you will do the needful.
A. Thank you for contacting me. To have a good esteem is a process that requires willingness and awareness. According to my personal experience there are some steps you can start doing to boost your self esteem:

  1. Stop criticizing and putting yourself down. Just because you behaved in a particular way, you behavior doesn’t define who you are. This is a bad habit that you must overcome.
  2. Don’t let criticism from others get to you. Learn how to take criticism in a positive way. When somebody criticize you, it doesn’t mean that what the person is saying is true. You have to learn how to handle it as a feedback and follow your intuition instead of getting upset.
  3. Make a list of your positive qualities, even if you think they are small, acknowledge them .Write down every day before you go to sleep 3 successes of the day. For example: I made dinner, I went for a walk, etc.
  4. Learn to accept compliments. Don’t undo them by explaining why you did something. If somebody gives you a compliment: say thank you. Do not explain why your hair looks great. Feel proud and just say : thank you.
  5. Try to engage in a healthy internal dialog. If you catch yourself thinking:”I can’t do this”, immediately change it: “yes, you can do it, I believe in you”. If too many negative things come to your mind do not dwell in the thought.
    Learn to relax, meditate. Being in silence for 5 minutes helps to start to know yourself.
  6. Practice pampering. Take a warm bath, go for a walk, whatever you like to do, do it without guilt.
    You must also learn how to release your guilt. Let’s say that a friend ask you to go out and you rather stay home and do something else, just say no thanks, may be some other time without feeling guilty. Remember that guilt will paralyze you. You have the right to do what is best for you.
  7. Get into the habit of doing physical exercise. This does not mean that you have to go to the gym 7 days a week for 2 hours. You can walk for half an hour three times a week, then go to the gym twice a week, practice a sport that you love and so on. But keep moving, you will feel really good about yourself after doing some exercise.

I hope these steps help answer your question about self-esteem.

Be free of unwanted fear


Q. What is the difference between self-esteem and confidence?. looking for clarification.
A. Self esteem is the idea that you have about yourself. It is how much you value yourself and how important you think you are. It is the acceptance, respect, trust and belief in you.

Self confidence means that you believe in your own abilities. Self confidence is related to self-assurance, you are proud of you own abilities. With self confidence you have the certainty that you can do it.
Self-confidence and self-esteem are different but they go hand in hand because if you have low self esteem your self confidence will be low too. Your mind will be filled with negative thoughts that demean your true worth that can bring lack of desire to pursue anything that carries any form of risk.


Q. Hi, I need help both my husband and I have low self esteem and it’s effecting out marriage. I have had two baby’s boy gained 50 lbs with both. I work very hard to get in shape most of the weight is lost but i still am very hard on myself. My husband is hard on himself for different reasons, he thinks that he is not good enough an he is a screw up. But i try talking with him telling him how wonderful of a husband he is a father, he still acts and says things that show he is feeling like a screw up. He is my world and i cant let my love feel this way, an overcome my self esteem problem, i know that if I have low self esteem he will himself cause he wants my happiness. Stacy Bolen.
A. When our self esteem is low we become negative, aggressive, destructive and powerless. All this has an impact not only our happiness, but also on our work and relationships. I would suggest that you try to stop being so hard on yourself. You can stop being hard on yourself by:

  1. Pay attention to your inner dialog, how do you talk to yourself. Whenever you catch yourself putting yourself down change this to something positive. Let’s say you catch yourself saying: “I am too fat.. No matter what I do I am still fat”. Change this by saying:”I am proud of myself, I have lost x amount of pounds and I feel good, I know I can keep going and reach my goal”.
  2. Remember that striving for perfection can negatively impact your health. Surround yourself with friends who make you feel good as opposed to the ones who seem more judgmental
  3. Practice self acceptance.

Nourish your relationships. Treat your husband and children the way you would like to be treated. Instead of saying something that you will regret, stop and come back to the conversation when your emotional turbulence is gone.

If you have children, spend time with them. If you are married make your marriage work by avoiding routine. Go out with your partner once a week for a great dinner or just to have a coffee. Join a hobby together. Never let your wife or husband be taken for granted. Send them a card, by a flower, a chocolate, a love note. Keep it alive. Self esteem is important to maintain nurturing.

Practice affirmations

It is important that you spend at least 15 minutes a day in meditation. This practice will help you to know your source, listen to your intuition and be at peace.

You can support your husband by:

  1. Show your husband you love him regardless what he think he is not doing right.
  2. Be supportive with him. .
  3. Be appreciative, if he cook a meal, let him know you liked it and praise him
  4. Do not put him down.
  5. Always share with him and ask him for his opinion.

To improve your self esteem is a process, be aware of this and be patient. By practicing not being hard on yourself, using affirmations, hypnosis and meditating you can start building your self esteem. Make a plan and stick to it for at least 21 days and start seeing the changes.


Q. What is self-esteem. Looking for clarification.
A. Self-esteem is the idea that you have about your. It is how important you think you are. Your esteem is the acceptance, respect, and belief in you. It includes beliefs and emotions that results in your behavior. With self acceptance you can live with your personal strengths and weaknesses. It is the key of avoiding the victim trap to live a life of happiness and confidence. Is an inside process . Is knowing that you are worthy.
Building your self esteem is a process , what can you do?:

  • Start practicing self-awareness. Live in the present moment . Become aware of your worth. This is the best way to practice self. You need to know were are you standing now, your behaviors and reactions in order to change. Awareness is the tool to observe yourself without judging or rationalizing.
  • Once you become aware the next step is self-acceptance . Accept were and who you are today. Own your life and experiences and take responsibility. Start being loving and happy with who you are now.
  • Forgiveness is also important to gain inner peace and let go of the past.

Once you are aware of your behaviors, emotions and reactions (patterns), you accept them and forgive your past , then, you are ready to create a new self-image . The final step is to create a new you.


Q. I lack self confidence in myself. This problem has been since 2006. I have the skills know how to do it. But I’m still having negative thoughts. Please tell me what I can do to improve myself before it’s too late. Love your website but I have the skills do not hang with negative people.Thanks Have a great weekend. Miller.
A. Hi, you are in a great place because you are aware that your negative thoughts are pulling you down.

In order to overcome these thoughts the best way is to be aware of them and change them right away. There are two issues I can see .
One is Lack of Self Confidence in yourself: to build confidence you need to work inside with your inner talk. You have to be open to make mistakes, learn from them and then always congratulate yourself for you have done well.
Confidence is related to your abilities, so you need to master what you do and allow yourself to feel good about it and proud. Sometimes you might feel you are not good just because you failed an exam or lost a job, etc. Try not to believe that the whole of you is hopeless, unkind or a failure, when really it is just one part of your .
Take what you call failures as learning and move on. But always focus on what you do well.

The other issue is negative thoughts: As I said before, the minute you notice a negative thoughts just say to yourself: thank you, and change it to a positive one. Is practice. You can read books or listen to tapes to set your mind in a positive state. We are always going to have negative thoughts because of our past habits and wounds. The inner critic sometimes is loud, but the same way you learned how to listen to your negative thoughts, the same way you will learn now how to talk to them back and make them positive.

There are some books likes: Beyond Negative Thinking: Breaking The Cycle Of Depressing And Anxious Thoughts
by Joseph T. Martorano that can help or even there is a great cd I have listened for a long time that helped me a lot by Louise Hay :Self-Esteem Affirmations that might help you to understand your wordiness and see things in a different way.


Q. Hi ,I’m 24 yr old and i lack self-confidence while talking to others. I’m bored of myself. I can’t speak or walk confidently especially while others are watching. Body language is bad.I fail to be myself. I consulted a psychologist and I was good for a few days. Now again I’m like in the old days. Is there are a permanent solution? Pls help me out. Rohan
A. Hi, if you can’t speak or walk confidently while others are watching I would suggest you to work on fear of rejection. Please read the article about fear of rejection you can learn the symptoms and some steps to overcome it. You can also read about Insecurity to find out about the reasons and steps to take to become more confident.

In order to overcome your lack of confidence you have to take the time to find out the reasons and be patient with yourself. It is a process that involves introspection and practice. Here are some suggestions:

  • Work on lack of Self Confidence in yourself: to build confidence you need to work inside with your inner talk. You have to be open to make mistakes, learn from them and then always congratulate yourself for you have done well.
    Confidence is related to your abilities, so you need to master what you do and allow yourself to feel good about it and proud.
  • Work on negative thoughts:. You can read books or listen to tapes to set your mind in a positive state. We are always going to have negative thoughts because of our past habits and wounds.

Check the page on Self-hypnosis Techniques , they can be a very effective tool to treat many disorders or to improve different areas and there is a lot of misconception about it. Why not to try some techniques like Self Esteem Techniques or Emotional Freedom Techniques that will help you to let go of negativity, wounds and traumas and make you feel good about yourself.

Remember that the key in this process is to find out the real reasons that are causing your problem. Take the time you need and be patient with yourself.


Q. Well I get jealous of other girls calling my husband sexy and him talking to other girls I need help to over come this because it is make my marriage fall apart. PLEASE HELP ME. Sunshine.
A. You might not believe that you are lovable enough and that you don’t deserve love. You might also be afraid to loose your husband. This is the case when low esteem plays a role. When you are insecure about yourself you will exaggerate events and it will be difficult to overcome jealousy. Some suggestions:

  • Work on lack of Self Confidence in yourself: to build confidence you need to work inside. Work on inner talk. .
    Stop comparing yourself with other women.
  • Work on negative thoughts:. You can read books or listen to tapes to set your mind in a positive state. We are always going to have negative thoughts because of our past habits and wounds that we had no heal yet. Try Overcome jealousy This program will help with jealousy issues.

Learn to feel your emotions, when there is jealousy there is fear and anger . Feel the emotion and learn to let it go
Communication with your husband is also a key, in a good relationship there is intimacy. Feel free to talk to him about how you feel.


Q. I can truly say that I have low self esteem. I try and try , but nothing seems to help. And yet there are times when I feel so confident and self assured. Perhaps I’m on the right trail and just don’t know it. Warren.
A. Hi Warren, we are all human beings and we have ups and downs. If one day you are confident and self assured and another day you are not, this does not mean that you have low self esteem.

Self esteem is an internal process and it influences different areas in our lives. This means that may suffer low self esteem within relationships but you don’t suffer low self esteem in your job. You may have high self esteem in some areas of our lives but not in others.

I think you are in the right trail, just try to identify in witch areas of your life you suffer low self esteem and work on those areas.

Comments

comments