Self-Esteem Course: Part 4: Live with Integrity

The Fourth Principle is: Live with Integrity. Integrity is your reputation. Integrity is the quality of having a sense of honesty and truthfulness in regard to the motivations for your actions. Integrity means that you do everything you can to live harmoniously with reality.

Your level of self esteem is determined by your self image. If your self image is of a person with integrity, then every time you do the right thing, you like yourself, you feel joy, you feel strong, and your self-confidence increases.

If you compromise your integrity, you say things that are not true and do things that you know are wrong. You’ll find yourself telling many lies or doing many deceptive things toward others. Perhaps you make excuses to yourself about why you do these things, but these excuses only exacerbate rather than alleviate the problem: at the end of the day, you don’t feel good about yourself; you hate yourself.

“Living with congruence between what we know, what we profess, and what we do; telling the truth, honoring our commitments, exemplifying in action the values we profess to admire; dealing with others fairly and benevolently. When we betray our values, we betray our mind, and self-esteem is an inevitable casualty.” Nathaniel Branden.

People that suffer fear of rejection are afraid to speak out and share their opinions because they have a compulsive need for attention and approval. They are unable to recognize themselves as worthy and they have a compulsive need for confirmation that they are OK, the need to be accepted and approved. Usually the excuse is that they don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.

As Mathew Mckay explains: ” The critic helps you cope with rejection by predicting and thus desensitizing you to hurts. He also helps you cope by making you act in such way that others are discouraged from any criticism”.

Some symptoms of fear of rejection

  • Lack of assertiveness.
  • Workaholic, drug abuse, etc
  • Lack the courage
  • Passive/aggressive behavior
  • Anger or depression
  • Use mask to please other people

3 Simple Steps to Overcome Fear of Rejection

Because of rejections experienced during childhood or because of constantly being rejected, many people experience the fear of rejection. You are afraid that you will look stupid for asking or you may be afraid of the hurt you’ll feel because of rejection. It is a fear that nobody will be able to accept who you are, your beliefs and the way you act. Don’t let it stop you from getting what you want and achieving what you can by doing the simple techniques and using the tools below.

  1. Learn from being rejected. No one is perfect and so everybody will be rejected at some point of their life. What you have to do is look at the rejection positively. You were courageous enough to step out of the safe side and ask. Even if you were rejected, what matters is that you tried. Use rejection as an inspiration that you should improve yourself. Self-hypnosis: Rejection phobia and Let The Anger Go.
  2. Take and Anger Management 101 online course.
  3. Make the benefits more important than the fear you feel. When in doubt, list the benefits that you will get when you are going to ask for what you want instead of focusing in your fear. You won’t get it if you won’t ask for it.
    Do not punish yourself when rejected. You are not alone and everybody experiences it. Don’t feel worthless. You can always try again.
    The key to overcoming your fear is to accept it. It happens and is inevitable. When you finally accept it, you will have a happier and more productive life.

Ask yourself the following questions:

1) Do you always try to do what is right, even when doing so is difficult?
2) Are you true to yourself, always honest with yourself?
3) Do you compromise your values by giving in to temptations to do what is “safe” instead of what is good?

There are correct answers to these questions. For numbers 1 and 2, the answer should be “yes”. For number 3, it should be “no”. If these are not your answers, you have a problem with integrity and must start addressing it.


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