Topic 2: Self esteem FAQ – Other Issues
Q. Hi Carla. A good site you got here. About learning from past mistakes and not crying-wishing we had not committed them i think the idea of learning and moving on is a good one. But what if you made mistake that is not reversible? I agree that time is a very important resource given to us freely . Coster
A. Hi Coster, Thank you for your comment. Regarding having made a mistake that is not reversible the same idea apply. Learn the lesson and move on.
In building self esteem we have to take responsibility for our decisions. To take responsibility does not mean that we blame ourselves or keep regrets. It means that we are aware that we did make a choice with the resources we had at the time. But now we know better. We do not blame nothing.
We are all human beings , sometimes we make a mistake that is not reversible, and that is ok, we cannot do anything about it , but we can always learn and grow. If we learn the lesson, next time we will not make the same mistake.
Many times the mistake we make that is not reversible is a unique opportunity for us to grow.
Mistakes are painful when they happen, but years later a collection of mistakes is what is called experience. Denis Waitley.
Q.I wish I could put myself first, I find that hard to do. I raised my daughter and that was my life 24/7. Now what do I do?. Her father passed in ’06’ and he is put up on a pedestal, I find myself getting jealous about that and very very angry. I can’t explain how I feel to her so we just get in another argument. I need to learn how to pull away from her and let her live her life. How do I do that? HELP PLEASE. Nancy.
A. First I think you have to work inside to understand that putting yourself first is not selfish. Deep down you might believe that if you put yourself first you are a bad person, a bad mother, etc. First of all , forgive her father because now she put him on a pedestal. Then, you have to forgive yourself for all the years you spent talking care of her 24/7. Finally, start building your esteem by becoming aware that you have needs, feelings and emotions that you have to pay attention to.
If you find hard to work alone you can download Putting yourself first that can help you to get a new perspective on things.
Q. I have a problem with money.When I was little and during my younger years I used to save a lot and money used to flow,now it goes like water and I am in a real financial debt, and I don’t know what to do. Regina P.
A. Problems with money are a reflection of negative beliefs about money in general and bad past experiences. To create more abundance in your life I would suggest you to start an internal work , when you change your feelings and ideas about money you will start experiencing more abundance. You can use some tools such as:
- Money Saver download.
- Visit my other website at: Self Esteem and Money
But the most important thing whatever technique you use is to start to work inside yourself. The world around us is a reflection of our beliefs and feelings.
I hope this helps.
Q. I feel sick when my partner see’s any pictures of women in their underwear or a bikini. How can I stop these feelings?. Claire.
A. I understand your feelings, but I think you have to start right now to work on your confidence. Ask the questions? why do I feel sick? Why this issue is bothering so much?. It is because: I am not confident enough, I feel I am not good enough, I have fear of abandonment, Do I keep comparing myself to others?. May be you don’t feel attractive?. Try Comparing Yourself to Others download.
Q. Dear Ms. Carla, I am Chandana writing you from Colombo, Sri Lanka. Let me give a brief introduction about me prior to stating my request to you. I am a male (36) living in Colombo, Sri Lanka. I am a post-graduate and employ at a private organization in SL. I work also as a lecturer at a popular marketing institute in our island.
I am very much interested in the subject area of Emotional Intelligence, in fact, i do spend lot of time and effort in reading articles and books related to the above topic. I found your details when surfing internet, and quite interested to write you because of the fact that you have learned Buddhism. I hope the learning’s of buddhism might have enabled you to get useful insights about EI. I am sure that you are aware the fact that Sri Lanka is a buddhist country and more than 70% of the people are buddhists. I was a catholic earlier and later converted to become a buddhist, thus i do read a lot about buddhism too. I am really keen to understand how thoughts in buddhism related to emotional intelligence and how they have been stated. therefore, i would like to request you whether you can share your experiences and expertise related to the same.
Hope my request is clear to you.if for any clarifications, do not hesitate to revert to me.Await your reply.With best regards.
A. Buddhism is based in Emotional Intelligence. I personally follow Dalai Lama teachings. The roots of suffering are toxic emotions. The antidote is meditation. Through meditation we train the mind not to repress but to release toxic emotions. If you are studying Buddhism I think you are practicing meditation and you might have noticed that all the teachings are based on transforming your toxic emotions. I hope this helps, I do not teach Buddhism, and I would suggest talking to your teachers regarding further questions about Buddhism. I am not a Buddhist , I use the teachings to growth in my personal path. Wishing you the best.
As human beings we all want to be happy and free from misery… We have learned that the key to happiness is inner peace. The greatest obstacles to inner peace are disturbing emotions such as anger, attachment, fear, and suspicion, while love and compassion and a sense of universal responsibility are the source of peace and happiness. Dalai Lama