Self-Esteem Course: Part 2: Unconditional Love

I hope you did the exercises and got some insights from part I. You are always welcome to share your ideas and comments.

The Second Principle is Unconditional Love. What I mean by this is Unconditional Love toward yourself. Therefore, this principle involves giving an apology to yourself and using self-forgiveness.

While it is important to love other people, the one person that it’s important to love unconditionally is you. The reality is that human love is NOT unconditional unless you are speaking of parent-to-child love. We love other people for reasons, and not everyone deserves our love. Even when it comes to our children, we may love them without liking them. But you must love yourself no matter what. You must be your parent to your inner child.

“If you aren’t good at loving yourself, you will have a difficult time loving anyone at all, since you’ll resent the time and energy you give another person that you aren’t even giving to yourself.” Barbara De Angelis.

Please do the following exercises:

1) Write a letter to yourself offering an apology for all these years that you have been unloving to you. You can start saying: Dear (your name). Then write everything you hate about yourself and finish with something like this: “I promise you that from now on I will make the effort to love and accept you as you are. Love. (your name)”.

Here is an example of what I wrote:

Dear Carla,

I would like to give you my apology because all these years I hated you because you pleased everybody else to get love and attention and you forgot about me. My needs were not met because everybody was always more important. So because of this, I treated you as a doormat. I made you do things you didn’t want to do. I made your life miserable. I made you feel that you were not important, not worthy and not loving. I made you invisible because that was how you forced me to feel.

I promise you that from now on I will make the effort to love and accept you as you are. Love, Carla.

2) Write a second letter to yourself, your self-forgiveness letter. You can start by writing: “Dear (your name), I want you to know that I forgive you for (fill in the blank), I know you were doing the best you could at that moment with the resources you had. I want you to know that I totally forgive you. I want you to know that I love you and accept you just the way you are. Love, (your name)”.

Here is an example of what I wrote

Dear Carla,

I want you to know that I forgive you for not loving me, for making me feel that I was not worthy of being loved.

I forgive you for not even thinking about my needs, for making everybody else a priority, for not standing up for me, for taking abuse from others, for not speaking up. For making me miserable, for taking care of everybody else but me. For living in denial. For thinking that your life had no meaning. For thinking that you have no value. For not letting your dreams come true. For living in fear of being alone. For not believing that you have a purpose. For making you small so that everybody else could shine. For living in resentment and hate. For living with guilt and for creating diseases to justify that you were a martyr. For living like a victim. When you did those things, I was the victim of your self-hatred.

But I know that you were doing the best you could at that moment with the resources you had. I want you to know that I totally forgive you. I want you to know that I love you and accept you just the way you are. Love, Carla.

You’ll discover that you will feel lighter and at peace with yourself after doing these exercises. After you finish writing them, burn the two letters. Why do you burn them?. Because this is the final release of the negative emotions and self-images that you just attached to them. You will not forget the thoughts you wrote, but you should never read them again.

Resources

1 ) Learn more about self-hate at Self-hate
2 ) Learn love yourself tips at How-to-love-yourself
3 )You can get help with this principle with self-hypnosis , check Forgiving Yourself, where you can learn deeply from your past, and free yourself from unnecessary guilt and blame.

If you would like to save money, Join The Growth Zone today. Every two weeks we will deposit a ‘download credit’ in your Growth Zone account. Each credit allows you to choose a download from the hundreds we have available. If you aren’t ready to choose a download right that second, that’s fine. You can build up credits in your Growth Zone account.

Go back to Self-Esteem Course

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