For decades, psychologists assumed that bullies suffered from low self esteem, and that their mean behaviors were an attempt to make themselves feel better by putting other people down. But, thanks to new research, experts have concluded that bullying is actually the result of something totally different - too much confidence.

It seems hard to believe, but having too much confidence can actually be a problem - especially when that excessive confidence is coupled with a lack of impulse control and compassion.

• Bullies do not possess the healthy confidence that most of us are striving for. Instead, when it comes to bullies and self esteem, they have an over-inflated view of themselves, rather than a healthy dose of confidence.


• Instead of feeling assured of themselves and their abilities, bullies simply think that they are better than everyone else, and that they can treat people any way they want.


• Bullies have so much confidence that they think they can get away with anything. In fact, many bullies are prone to serious anger management issues, substance abuse problems and even criminal behaviors. Many of the criminals sitting behind bars today are bullies!. [1] Making things worse, bullies do not see anything wrong with their behaviors. In fact, they think their actions are perfectly acceptable.

However, all of this confidence can make things difficult for the victims of bullies. People who are targeted by bullies are more likely to suffer from low self esteem. In fact, bullies try to seek out people with low self esteem, so that there is less chance that anyone will oppose their views.

If you want to stop bullying

If you want to stop bullying, you need to stand up for yourself - meaning you have the courage and the confidence to let the bully know that his behaviors don't faze you. By speaking to him in an authoritative voice, looking him directly in the eye, and simply walking away when he tries to escalate things, you can stop bullying from having an effect on you. By letting a bully know that refuse to take the bait, chances are that he will leave you alone, and try to find someone else to pick on.

Bullying is not a rite of passage. It is not something that you need to go through to 'toughen up'. Bullying and self esteem go hand-in-hand for both sides. For victims, bullying can lead to dangerously low self esteem, and it can have a lasting effect.

Resources

The Angry Bully There are ways to deal with angry bullies. 'The Secret of Dealing with an Angry Bully' session will prepare your mind to remain calm and detached so that your emotional state is no longer manipulated by that bully. Bullying At Work Coping with Workplace Bullying will help building your confidence so that you can take action against the bully. This session will help you get some perspective and decide what help you need. Whatever you decide to do, get help now. Bullying is not acceptable is any form.

Motivational Affirmations for Building Confidence and Recognizing Worth. I have listened to this cd many times and I strongly recommend it. Just relax and allow yourself to become more confident and happy.

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References

1 . Wikipedia.org. Characteristics of bullies. Retrieved Octovber 2010, from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bullying.