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Jealousy is always born with love, but does not always die with it. François D. de La Rochefoucauld
Jealousy is an emotion that shows up when there is a threat in a relationship. Jealousy in a relationship is the wish to keep for ourselves the person we love.
For example. When I was a child, I got jealous of my brother when my parents gave him something. I though he was more lovable than me.
I had also become jealous when my husband was giving too much attention to other people instead of me.
I was raised to believe that we can control people through jealousy. It was good to be jealous at your spouse or make your spouse jealous. It was a sign of real love. Through the years, I learned to overcome jealousy understanding that like any other emotion, jealousy is not good nor bad. But when jealousy is used to manipulate love, it becomes toxic, jealousy harms a healthy relationship.
Jealousy as a toxic emotion is when you manipulate your love one in a relationship. You do not believe that you are lovable enough and that you don’t deserve love. You are afraid to lose this person.
This is the case when low esteem plays a role. When you are insecure about yourself, you will exaggerate events, and it will be difficult to overcome jealousy. For example. If I see my husband talking to another woman. I will start feeling insecure, and I will imagine things that are not real: “He loves her more than me.” “She wants to take him away from me.”
Jealousy as a healthy emotion is an alert that something is going wrong in our relationship. It is based on facts. If I see my husband seducing somebody else, and I feel jealousy, this is called protective jealousy.
Here are three ways in which jealousy can ruin your relationship.
Jealousy as a mask for a lack of confidence in oneself. Women often fall into this trap, although men do, too. Men have a tendency to look at other attractive women. However, the truth is that most men who are in committed relationships honestly don’t care about anything else except that-just looking. Imagine if a man’s woman always thinks that he is looking for another sexual relationship, though. This is usually really a sign that the woman does not find herself attractive or sexy enough. She is jealous of his “roving eyes” in truth because she is afraid that he would rather be with someone else. She has to find the way to becoming more self-confident and realize that he is actual with her for a reason.
Jealousy as a trust issue. We may become obsessively jealous if we truly suspect our lover is not trustworthy-maybe we think we have good reason to suspect them of having a secret affair. If you are feeling jealous because of this cause, you must communicate with your lover about it. If s/he turns out to not be trustworthy, you will have to leave the relationship.
Jealousy as a mask for a control freak. Some people are obsessed with control over the other person in a relationship. They feel jealous only because the other person has a life! The other person has other friends and has some activities that s/he likes to do, or has to do, alone. This is a sign of a very unhealthy relationship or an unhealthy individual.
Jealousy in an intimate relationship is typically a healthy sign that you love the other person. But you must never let it get obsessive. If you are feeling obsessively jealous, communicate this clearly with your lover so that you can give yourself peace of mind or find out that you need to leave the relationship.
- To overcome jealousy you have to own your feelings. Be aware that your are feeling the emotion. This is the most important step to overcome jealousy.
- Work on your insecurity when dealing with jealousy by making the right questions. Learn to remember that you are not your thoughts or emotions. Learn the difference between observation and interpretation. This is a great tool to overcome jealousy. Observation is the fact. Is something that you detect is happening. (my husband has been talking to that women since we got here). Interpretation is what you think the observation means.(my husband is flirting with that women since we got here). The interpretation creates fear, in this case, my partner will leave me for somebody else.
- Building self-esteem is the best tool to overcome jealousy. If you have a healthy esteem, you will distinguish jealousy as toxic or healthy. Why?. Because you will not need to manipulate people to love you in your relationship. You are confident enough. You are centered and confident about your worth and it will be easier for you to overcome jealousy.
- Stop comparing yourself with others. The key is to find your uniqueness. Rather than use negative statements and putting yourself down all the time, begin to accept yourself as you are. Find your greatness and be proud.
Whether you are the jealous partner, or he is making you jealous, jealousy can devastate a relationship . All jealousy is caused by an over-active and misused imagination. Creating scenarios in your mind of what your partner is thinking or doing is the perfect way to torture yourself. Overcome jealousy will help you get control back over the workings of your imagination so it stops feeding you images of the worst happening. Dealing with jealousy download. Your partner will be astounded, (and probably overjoyed!) at the new relaxed, realistic you. Try now Overcome jealousy
How would it feel to expect the best from your relationships?. And what do you think your partner would notice first about your new attitude?. Download now Insecurity . Check more about relationships .
If you are interested in strategies for dealing with jealousy , take a look of an e-book on overcoming jealousy which you can download right now. The e-book provides practical exercises for you to work through to develop strategies for taking control of your jealousy and more tips you can use right now.
I was in a relationship for over a year. My girlfriend was always jealous of other people my friends family you name it. I would always try to reassure her that I loved her. We lived a few hours away from one another and I had fear of moving with her because of this jealousy. So I said I would move if she went to counseling first and things got better. So she went to council and things started getting better I was amazed! . Then I found out she was cheating , she no longer cared about me she had someone else. I have learned a valuable lessen in love. If they are jealous run like the wind because they will probably cheat. The funny thing about all this is I told her that I knew people who were jealous and they were cheaters. She would reply that she wouldn’t cheat that her fear was abandonment. I found this article because I was blaming myself for the failed relationship (something we do when someone cheats on us) .What I found out was I wasn’t the first one she had cheated on ..although she told me she had never cheated. Thank you for these articles they have helped me remarkable understand it all and not blame myself, for my ex’s cheating. Beth.