An intrusive mother can be a nightmare. Unfortunately, it is the reality of many people. If you are one of those who has an emotionally intrusive mother, this information will be of most use to you. We will tell you how to deal with intrusive mother. We hope this advice helps you to improve your relationships and live a better life.
Before we go deep into how to deal with an emotionally intrusive mother, let’s get clear on what are boundaries in a relationship. We all have them, and you must be aware of them before we get started.
Boundaries are healthy on relationships. They give you space to breathe and promote harmony. When the boundaries are broken, the person becomes intrusive. This can happen in any sort of relationship. You place limits to your physical space and your emotions.
Anybody crossing the limits will be out of line. They are attempting against your individuality. By violating your boundaries, people try to force you to be what you are not or to do what you don’t want. Beware of the limits, and warn individuals who are about to cross them.
When somebody close to you infringes your boundaries, it is harder to bear. If that someone is your mother, then it can be the toughest challenge. Unfortunately, there are many examples of an emotionally intrusive mother. Let’s move on and get some tips on how to deal with them.
Make a List of the Conflicting Situations
Before you deal with your emotionally intrusive mother, calm down. While you are alone and in the best state of mind, make a list of all situations with conflicts. Then, rate them starting from the most annoying to you.
You should start solving the issues with your emotionally intrusive mother by addressing the thing that bothers you the most. Don’t ever take any decision while you are angry. It is better to think of it with a cool head. Once you have identified all situations with conflicts, it is time to take some action!
Talking is your First Option
Talking should always be your first option. Make sure you speak to your emotionally intrusive mother while you are both calmed and in a neutral place. Invite her to have lunch at a restaurant. A public place might make her control her emotions. However, there is no guarantee. Be prepared to an adverse reaction, and don’t let it come to you.
Try to give her reasons for why she is being intrusive. Tell her you love her, but it is better if she respects your boundaries. Be very clear on what are the limits, and do not falter. Your mother can be powerful because she knows how to manipulate your emotions. Most times the manipulation is done unconsciously by her. Make it conscious to you so that it does not affect you.
If she consciously tries to manipulate you, you will notice easily. In such cases, she will try to change her strategy quickly as she finds out her previous attempt did not work. Be prepared to deal with it, and put your best to make her enter a reason.
If you are fortunate, talking will change your emotionally intrusive mother into a mother you can count on. By showing your cards, you will create a greater bond. It will serve in the long run to build trust and improve your relationship.
Look for an Activity to help to Emotionally Detach her from you
Most cases, mothers are co-dependent to their children. They gave birth to them, but with time, it is hard to get the idea of separation. Mother’s expect their children to be by their side constantly and unconditionally. However, that is not possible, since you have to live your life.
That is when an activity can help your emotionally intrusive mother detach from you. It will serve as a distraction and will improve your relationship with her. There is nothing wrong with having emotional needs. You just have to look for ways to direct them elsewhere. Charity and learning new skills are great options to open her boundaries.
When Nothing Else is Working
If talking and finding an alternate activity doesn’t work, then you must set boundaries by force. The chances are that your emotionally intrusive mother will make use of manipulation to prevent you from going away. You must be aware of it, and resist her attempts.
Reduce your time together and put some distance. Especially if you are still living in her house, it is time to find your own place. Cut other attachments like any sort of financial support she might be giving you. That will help to give her chance to readjust. If needed, stop talking to her. After some time, you can talk again, and your relationship might have improved significantly.