Low self esteem Signs | Fear of rejection | Perfectionism
Co dependency symptoms
I come from a family with a co dependent mother. I am neither judging her nor blaming. But identifying co dependency symptoms in her helped me a lot to overcome low self esteem.
Co dependency definition
Co dependency is not a disease , it is an emotional and behavioral condition that is learned and affects the ability to have a healthy relationship with others.
Many call co dependency a relationship addiction. Co dependents have destructive relationships that are one-sided pleasing oriented and therefore abusive. They suffer from low self esteem.
Researching a lot on co dependents , I became aware that I used to act like one. Some of the co dependent symptoms that I discovered in myself were:
Co dependency symptom # 1: A strong tendency to do more and give more than I got in return.
A tendency to sacrifice myself to give more. I kept thinking: "they are more important than me" , my favorite mantra.
The truth behind this behavior: my fear to loose their love. So I became pleasing to everybody. In order to feel loved and accepted. In fact , I focused too much on pleasing them , after all , their needs were more important than my needs.
Co dependency symptom # 2: I became easily hurt when nobody recognized my efforts
It constantly complained : "after everything I have done for them..". The truth behind this behavior was that in order to feel good about myself I needed to be recognized by others. The same pattern than before : looking for approval. I kept doing thing for everyone with the idea that my efforts would please them. Then when I didn't get the recognition I expected I felt insecure and resentful.
Co dependency symptom #3: I always felt guilty when being assertive and expressed my thoughts
Deep inside I always hear the same message: ' I shouldn't had said that". The truth behind this behavior is that I was afraid to be abandoned or rejected. I focused on: if I say what I really think I will be abandoned , they won't talk to me anymore.
They could say anything they wanted but I was not allowed to do so. Because in order to be loved and accepted I not only have to be nice but submissive and passive. So, I devaluated myself, low self esteem , to avoid rejection and abandonment.
There are many other co dependency symptoms such as care taking : confusing caring with taking care of. Trying to fix other people. Thinking or feeling responsible for others. And manipulating behavior in relationships through guilt.
By identifying this symptoms I realized that I became what is normally called: people-pleasing. This is a sign of low self esteem. I focused too much on what the other person thought. Now, I don't know you, but , do you relate to any of this symptoms?. Are you focusing too much on what other people think about you too?.
Need more help related to this symptoms?. Here are some recommended co dependency books that will help to learn more on low self esteem behavior:
Learn more on low self esteem with articles from my personal experience . Look for recommended co dependency books.
Comments and Testimonials
"That's exactly me few years ago. Actually this behavior creates your self-destruction, because you give more than you should (you feel less valuable than others), as a result you are surprised you don't get back what you have given and that creates sadness and lowers your self-worth again.. it's like spiral, very dangerous! "
RC.
"Great write up here. All very true.
"
Oliver C.
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A co dependent feels their value is predicated upon a willingness to devalue themselves. Eric Roberts.
