Low self esteem Signs | Fear of rejection | Perfectionism

Codependency symptoms

by Carla Valencia

I come from a family with a codependent mother. I am neither judging her nor blaming. But identifying codependency symptoms in her helped me a lot to overcome low self esteem.

Codependency definition

Codependency is not a disease , it is an emotional and behavioral condition that is learned and affects the ability to have a healthy relationship with others.

Many call codependency : a relationship addiction. Codependents have emotionally destructive relationships that are one-sided pleasing oriented and therefore abusive. They suffer from low self esteem.

Researching a lot on codependents , I became aware that I used to act like one. Some of the codependency symptoms that I discovered in myself were:

Codependency symptoms # 1: A strong tendency to do more and give more than I got in return.

A tendency to sacrifice myself to give more. I kept thinking: “they are more important than me” , my favorite mantra.

The truth behind this behavior : my fear to loose their love , so I became pleasing to everybody, in order to feel loved and accepted. In fact , I focused too much on pleasing them , after all , their needs were more important than my needs.

Codependency symptoms # 2: I became easily hurt when nobody recognized my efforts

It constantly complained : “after everything I have done for them….”. The truth behind this behavior was that in order to feel good about myself I needed to be recognized by others. The same pattern than before : looking for approval . I kept doing thing for everyone with the idea that my efforts would please them and when I didn't get the recognition I expected I felt insecure and resentful.

Codependency symptoms #3: I always felt guilty when being assertive and expressed my thoughts

Deep inside I always hear the same message: ‘ I shouldn't had said that”. The truth behind this behavior is that I was afraid to be abandoned or rejected. I focused on: if I say what I really think I will be abandoned , they won't talk to me anymore.

They could say anything they wanted but I was not allowed to do so. Because in order to be loved and accepted I not only have to be nice but submissive and passive. So, I devaluated myself, low self esteem , to avoid rejection and abandonment.

There are many other codependency symptoms such as care taking : confusing caring with taking care of. Trying to fix other people, thinking or feeling responsible for others, and manipulating behavior in relationships through guilt.

By identifying this symptoms I realized that I became what is normally called: people-pleasing , which is a sign of low self esteem. I focused too much on what the other person thought . Now, I don't know you but do you relate to any of this symptoms?. Are you focusing too much on what other people think about you too?.

Need more help related to this symptoms? Here are some recommended codependency books that will help to learn more on low self esteem behavior:

Learn more on low self esteem with articles from my personal experience . Look for recommended codependendency books

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A codependent feels their value is predicated upon a willingness to devalue themselves. Eric Roberts.