I’m an introvert. Why do I have to change?

In our daily life we can get to know people with different personality traits. Some people are more social and have the ability to adapt or include themselves very quickly in different conversations while others simply find it more difficult to socialize in groups or start a conversation quickly with someone they don’t know, that is why they are called “introverts” and we will talk about them in this article.

Introversion, unlike what is thought, is not the same as shyness or social phobia, since introverts are not people who are afraid of other people, they only enjoy being alone with themselves and also feel more comfortable in small social circles, communicating without problem when they consider it necessary. However, society in many cases does not understand that this people prefers to keep quiet in social gatherings or that they think very well before commenting in a group conversation, since they are self-reflective people who analyze situations and see beyond.

For this reason, almost always other people instead of including him in the conversation only criticize the fact that they remain silent, which makes the introvert feel anxious and uncomfortable about not knowing what to say in this situation. It is important to understand that not all people have the same ability to communicate or adapt quickly to large social circles where they do not know everyone, as an extrovert does, who being the opposite of an introvert, has no problem with social adaptation, being very easy to start a conversation with a stranger and is perfect for public speaking

What is being an introvert?

When we refer to introversion, we are talking about a personality trait or characteristic where the human being focuses much more on his inner world, than on the exterior that surrounds him. Introverts are usually people who know themselves well, since they are always self-analyzing, paying attention to their own attitudes and thoughts and do not focus on what others think or say, for them their inner world is their refuge.

The introvert, unlike the extreme shy, does not feel fear or anxiety about being in contact with other people, they can be in a social gathering without any problem, only that their attitude will always be quieter, their comments more precise and their will always avoid being in situations that ridicule or expose them to others. So almost always the introvert acts in a distant way to  not to have to speak in public or even dance with someone when they do not want to.

In this sense, people think that introverts has a socialization problem or that they do not like the group of friends , but that is not the case, only that their way of being is much more reserved and they are the type of people who prefer tranquility from home or being surrounded by few people.

Characteristics of an introvert:

To identify if you are an introvert, through your psychological profile, it is necessary to know the main characteristics of introverts, which are:

• They are people who will always prefer a quiet meeting at home with their friends, than going to a party at an event where there are many people

• They are quite reserved people, they do not tell their personal life easily to a person they have just met, they only talk about their problems with people they consider their friends.

• They isolate themselves from time to time, for them it is a necessity to be alone and calm from time to time to discharge their energies, since they enjoy their time alone a lot.

• Their circle of friends is quite small, since they prefer to have quality friends than a large number of friends.

• They are almost always very quiet people who do not like to be the center of attention

• They know themselves well, they have well-defined convictions so they are not easily influenced by anyone.

• They are very good at listening to others and they always give the most assertive comments.

• They are uncomfortable being exposed in social situations where they have to talk to strangers, since it is difficult for them to start conversations with people they do not know in advance.


How does an introvert feel at gatherings and social parties?

As we have already said, introverts are most comfortable in quiet and minimally stimulating environments, so being at a party with many people may not be the place they enjoy the most. However, the introvert does not feel afraid of this type of social interaction, as with the shy, the introvert prefers to be in other types of environments.

When forced to attend parties, the introvert by nature will remain quiet and calm, so many people will think that he is “anti social” but he is not. The introvert has a different way of interacting than the extrovert. They value social interactions where there is room for reflection and to see things further.

On the other hand, they also like to connect with the people who speak and have a meaningful relationship with him or them, so that they can express themselves freely without fear of being judged, so they always seek to belong to small groups of friends or alone hold conversations of two. In this sense, when being at a party it is a bit difficult for the introvert to join conversations where there are many people and more when no one includes him or asks for his opinion.

A very frequent situation that introverts face is for example,  being in a meeting, being quiet, thinking or reflecting on anything and that someone in the meeting highlights how quiet they are, for the introvert this a situation is very uncomfortable and that generates anxiety

It’s not that they don’t want to comment or speak to someone, it’s just that they don’t feel comfortable talking to too many people at once.

And in that moment is when they  begin to feel anxious when they become aware that they do not add anything to the conversation and that all the people noticed how quiet they are.

Therefore, introverts often avoid social interactions, feeling that they do not fit in.

The introvert always receives negative messages about how quiet they are and how involved are always in themselves, which makes them think that all people prefer extroverted personalities and that is when they begin to avoid people, for fear to continue to be judged.

They may even feel bad about overthinking things or needing time to analyze every detail in their own way. So after a while the introvert develops a certain nervousness about social interaction and they may even think that they must change their way of being.

Difference between introversion and shame

Shame or shyness is not always closely linked to introverts, since an extroverted person at any time in their life can feel shy or embarrassed when faced with a situation.

Shame is defined as: the fear that people will judge us in a negative way and when a person is shy they always feel ashamed of interacting with others, since they are afraid that they will not accept them as they are.

While it is true that most introverts have a higher rate of shame or shyness, unlike extroverts, but this shyness is not given because something is wrong with them or because they have social phobia, but rather because of what people have made them think about themselves and their way of being.

For an introvert, social interactions are not impossible, they just need time to establish them in their own way and most people do not understand this . Therefore, they seek to know why this person is so quiet and reserved.

Many introverts live daily with the social pressure to include themselves in groups, since their friends and family always comment about how quiet they are or that they never go out to party, a situation that causes them anxiety about not feeling comfortable in these environments.

If you know an introverted person, it is best to look for a subtle way to include him in conversations, asking him, for example, what is his opinion on the subject, without judging the fact that he has not said anything during the whole party

This will gradually make the introvert feel confident to talk to the group and begin to express their ideas, getting to know the people and feeling more included.

The main reason is that introverts do not have the ability to start conversations, but this does not mean that they do not want to communicate with others.

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