Victim Mentality
Self Esteem Newsletter Issue # 34
The victim mentality is a self-defeating pattern which does one of two things, or more commonly both together. The victim mentality causes you to think that you cannot make the changes in your life that you desire to make because of others, for reasons that you cannot define, mysteriously "have it out" for you and wish you ill will, and thus they do things to set you back, harm you emotionally, etc.
For some , the victim mentality causes them to feel that some kind of "divine intervention" continuously takes place in their life so that they continually fail even though they are doing the right thing. These people may say negative things like, "God hates me."
So, in short, is the "poor me" and it always lays blame for your own problems on some outside entity. Nothing every goes right for you, and yet you are rarely to blame for that. This article will help you to find out if you have a victim mentality, what are the causes, what its effects are, and how to overcome it.
FIND OUT IF YOU HAVE A VICTIM MENTALITY
To find out if you are suffering from a victim mentality, observe your stream of consciousness and habits for a little while. Now, ask yourself if you habitually find answers to the following five questions whenever things go wrong for you.
There is only one correct answer to all of these questions. And you probably aren't giving it. The correct answer is, "Because I don't take responsibility for causing most of my own problems." If those five questions always go through your head, and you never blame the man in the mirror, you suffer from victim mentality.- Why do other people do me wrong all the time?
- How could anyone say this is my fault?
- Why didn’t I have the time?
- Why aren’t I lucky?
- Why don’t I ever get what I deserve?
WHAT CAUSES VICTIM MENTALITY?
The problem with victim mentality is that it is very often rooted in a real situation where you were slammed by unfortunate circumstances, or you were done wrong by another. But that time is long since dead and gone; yet you have chosen to respond to all obstacles in your path or all misunderstandings or disagreements between you and another in the context of that dead and gone time. Thus, you have become delusional.
Other prominent root sources of victim mentality include:
- Negative thinking . You see everything getting worse and always expect the worst, and this in turn very often transforms into a self-fulfilling prophecy whereby you aid and abet yourself in crimes against yourself. If you are having difficulties with this, you can read more about how to stop negative thoughts that teaches you a model for assessing the effects of your negative thoughts and changing them, plus it helps you on an unconscious level by showing you how to let these thoughts drift by without taking any notice .
- Low self esteem. You wish, of course, to get all that you "deserve". But somewhere in your emotions, you strongly feel that you really DON'T deserve these things you wish for. This is quite often guilt about something. But when you feel guilty it is not your "sins" that you hate; it's your self..
- Co-dependency behavior. You have become attached to another person who really does abuse you, but they also know how to play upon your weaknesses and thus they "confirm" your worst feelings and fears about yourself or life. You, in turn, give them energy from yourself that they never earn because you believe they signify "what's real". This often is the case in a bad marriage that one or both people remain in.
HOW TO OVERCOME THE VICTIM MENTALITY
- Begin by building self esteem, It is a wonderful feeling to be reminded of your good qualities; one that can carry you through difficult times, improve your a confidence and make you feel more sure of yourself. You will need to re-condition yourself to feel that you deserve what you wish for. The best way to start with doing this is to get more involved in something that you know for a fact you are good at, no matter how "small" it is. Also read books and practice what they tell you are ways to success, no matter how difficult they are at first.
- Take responsibility for your life. Decide to do something about your negative feelings, misplaced or inappropriate anger, resentment, and feelings of helplessness. Use any technique to heal your past wounds and let go of these emotions. Find out more by reading how these techniques can help you. Say to yourself until you hear it in your sleep, "If it's to be, it's up to me."
- Take assertiveness training to begin to stand up for yourself. Once you learn how to stand up for yourself and able to say what's on your mind clearly and calmly, many positive changes result:
others will give you more respect and consider you capable of more responsibility
, you are treated with more respect within relationships
and you feel much better about yourself. Find yourself a mentor or a "life coach" to help you.
Live Professional Coaches, Available 24/7!
- If you find that you are a co-dependent, start by breaking your family roles and learn to set boundaries. Download Stop Being a Victim now and get on your own side!. Your attitudes emanate from you and communicate to the subconscious minds of those around you. It's amazing how many bully victims we've helped change their attitudes and then they've reported that people who used to victimize them no longer do because they just seem to sense something different - some line they can't cross any more.
We have to stop thinking that being a victim is a victimless crime. Don't be a victim of yourself.
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