"Self-pity is easily the most destructive of the non-pharmaceutical narcotics; it is addictive, gives momentary pleasure and separates the victim from reality". -- John W. Gardner

Self-pity and low Esteem

by Carla Valencia

Self-pity means a self-indulgent dwelling on one's own sorrows or misfortunes, according to the dictionary. Sorrow on the other hand is mental suffering or pain caused by injury, loss, or despair.

I have learned through the years that in order to have a healthy Self Esteem I have to know the difference between sorrow and self-pity. If you want to get out of the victim trap you must be aware of this differences.

I remembered that when my father found he had cancer I kept thinking about my misfortune and pain. I kept telling everyone a hidden message: "Poor me, my father is dying and I cannot do anything about", and so on. With this attitude I was not helping anyone, instead I was manipulating everyone through victim hood and self-pity.

With self pity you live paralyzed , it keeps you in a helpless situation. You are not responsible for your life. You believe that you are a victim of events and you deserve condolence. It is a negative emotion that prevent anyone to deal with adverse situations. Self-pity becomes a form of manipulation that you might use to get things from other people.

We cannot cope with life if we are feeling sorry for ourselves and not taking responsibility. The key word is dwelling. If we learn to feel our pain, understand it and learn from it, we will be in a better position to cope with life events. If we keep dwelling on self-pity we will disempower ourselves, living in constant denial .

Read more about Victim Mentality. Also my book review for When misery is company by Anne Katherine. I love this one is specially written to understand and transform the key problems in our life: Isolation. Sacrifice . Being a victim and more. The author shares the various symptoms like being avoid ant, not acting when action is required. Being indecisive, being ambivalent and so on. The book will help to understand why you are addicted to misery and to end sabotage. Fill with practical exercises. Finding the solution: recovering and the process that is divided in three steps. Each step is explained in a chapter. Best recommended if you need to get out of the victim trap.

The Gaslight Effect: How to Spot and Survive the Hidden Manipulation Others Use to Control Your Life by Dr. Robin Stern . The Gaslight Effect is a book that shifts the paradigm for relationships. It is both a reality check and an inspiring push towards more honest, supportive, and equal partnerships. Dr. Stern brings clarity to the social dynamics that often leave even the smartest among us stumped and sad.

BMV Quantum Subliminal Overcome Victim Mentality CD (Ultrasonic Subliminal Series) Program your subconscious mind to overcome victim mentality. Stop being a victim and take charge of your life. Exclusive state-of-the-art subliminal and brainwave entrainment technologies that you can use to program your subconscious mind for positive lasting results. Created by a Certified Hypnotherapist and NLP Practitioner (Nero-Linguistic Programming). Silent affirmations, hypnotic suggestions and thousands of powerful subliminal messages program your subconscious mind for positive results. The first 3 tracks have an ocean background.

Gain Social Excellence
(CD)

(CD). The Gain Social Excellence CD
contains 4 specially selected self hypnosis
sessions: Be Yourself Socially: will enable
you to be more true when
with others. Assertiveness Training will help
you say what you need to . Meeting People
will help you enjoy that moment and build
new friendships. Public Speaking will allow you
to relax when speaking to groups.

Emotional Vampires: Dealing With People Who Drain You Dry The author of Dinosaur Brains offers protection from people who seek to destroy the emotional and psychological well-being of others. Like the fabled demons, these vampires always think their needs are more important than yours . Believe the rules apply only to other people . Emotional Vampires tells readers how to spot a vampire in their lives. Which defense strategies to employ to prevent one from striking. What to do if and when they find themselves under attack.

Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You by Susan Jeffers. Helps you identify and correct an intensely destructive and confusing pattern of relating with those you love. She outlines the specifics steps to take and techniques that will strengthen relationships and break the blackmail cycle.

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