Low self esteem and self-pity
by Carla Valencia
One of the signs of low self esteem is self-pity .It is a self-destructive emotion. Usually comes from a weak confidence .
Self-pity means a self-indulgent dwelling on one's own sorrows or misfortunes, according to the dictionary. Sorrow on the other hand is mental suffering or pain caused by injury, loss, or despair.
I have learned through the years that in order to have a healthy esteem I have to know the difference between sorrow and self-pity. If you want to get out of the victim trap you must be aware of this differences.
I remembered that when my father found he had cancer I kept thinking about my misfortune and pain, telling everyone a hidden message: "poor me, my father is dying and I cannot do anything about", and so on. My self esteem was low and with this attitude I was not helping anyone, instead I was manipulating everyone through victim hood.
With self-pity you live paralized , it keeps you in a helpless situation. You are not responsible for your live. On the other hand, self-pity becomes a form of manipulation that you might use to get things from other people.
A healthy self esteem helps us to cope with life. We cannot cope with life if we are feeling sorry for ourselves and not taking responsibility. The key word is dwelling. If we learn to feel our pain, understand it and learn from it, we will be in a better position to cope with life. If we keep dwelling on self-pity we will disempower ourselves, living in denial and with a very low self esteem.
What do you think about this article?
Self-pity is easily the most destructive of the non-pharmaceutical narcotics; it is addictive, gives momentary pleasure and separates the victim from reality. -- John W. Gardner
