"Self-pity is easily the most destructive of the non-pharmaceutical narcotics; it is addictive, gives momentary pleasure and separates the victim from reality". -- John W. Gardner
Self-pity and low Esteem
by Carla Valencia
Self-pity means a self-indulgent dwelling on one's own sorrows or misfortunes, according to the dictionary. Sorrow on the other hand is mental suffering or pain caused by injury, loss, or despair.
I have learned through the years that in order to have a healthy Self Esteem I have to know the difference between sorrow and self-pity. If you want to get out of the victim trap you must be aware of this differences.
I remembered that when my father found he had cancer I kept thinking about my misfortune and pain. I kept telling everyone a hidden message: "Poor me, my father is dying and I cannot do anything about", and so on. With this attitude I was not helping anyone, instead I was manipulating everyone through victim hood and self-pity.
With self pity you live paralyzed , it keeps you in a helpless situation. You are not responsible for your life. You believe that you are a victim of events and you deserve condolence. It is a negative emotion that prevent anyone to deal with adverse situations. Self-pity becomes a form of manipulation that you might use to get things from other people.
We cannot cope with life if we are feeling sorry for ourselves and not taking responsibility. The key word is dwelling. If we learn to feel our pain, understand it and learn from it, we will be in a better position to cope with life events. If we keep dwelling on self-pity we will disempower ourselves, living in constant denial .
Read more about Victim Mentality. Also my book review for When misery is company by Anne Katherine. I love this one is specially written to understand and transform the key problems in our life: Isolation. Sacrifice . Being a victim and more. T
How to Spot and Survive the Hidden Manipulation Others Use to Control Your Life
Dealing With People Who Drain You Dry
When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You
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