The Nightmare of Being in a Relationship with a Narcissist. How to identify it.
Valuing ourselves is synonymous to loving and respecting ourselves. Loving and appreciating ourselves is a fundamental factor in our lives that will help us achieve everything we set out to do. A person with high self-esteem is happier, because he knows how to learn from his mistakes, he values the people around him and he values himself.
Narcissists have high self-esteem?
Narcissists have low self-esteem, they show themselves to the world as superior people, self-confident, outgoing and fun, the reality is that they harbor a feeling of insecurity inside. This feeling is a reflection of his low self-esteem, which he wants to cover by belittling and humiliating others.
However, high self-esteem is sometimes misinterpreted with narcissism. Although both terms have self-love in common, the reality is that there are great differences. Therefore, in this article we will talk about these differences, in such a way that you will be able to know if a narcissist has low or high self-esteem, which will help you identify these types of people.
Key differences between a narcissistic person and another with self-esteem
As I told you before, the point that narcissism and self-esteem have in common is self-love. However, the big difference is excess self-admiration. While a person with high self-esteem is clear about his value and is willing to contribute positively in society, the narcissistic person considers himself superior than others and always alludes to his perfection, his physique or his qualities.
In this sense, narcissistic people are always flaunting their physique or their talents. Furthermore, they tend to be pushy, manipulative, arrogant, and when their desires are unfulfilled, they explode in front of the people in their environment.
Really, a narcissistic person and another with a healthy self-esteem at the beginning could be confused. However, as you explore both personalities you will notice their differences (which are more than evident).
To clarify the concepts of narcissism and self-esteem, here are some differences between the two:
1. Self-Love Vs Exaggerated Self-Perception
One of the most noticeable differences between a narcissistic person and someone who has healthy self-esteem is the exaggerated concept they have of their self-image. The person with high self-esteem gives more importance to the self-love of her inner being; while narcissists allude more to the importance of their image.
Narcissistic people consider themselves perfect beings. In fact, the term “narcissism” arose from an ancient Greek myth about the young Narcissus, who always praised his incomparable beauty.
Rather, good self-esteem is grounded in good relationships with people in your environment, regardless of appearances. A person with high self-esteem is self-confident and does not flaunt her successes, she simply enjoys her achievements.
2. The ability to listen to others
A person with high self-esteem is assertive. It is about someone who knows how to listen, attend to others and choose the right moments to speak. In fact, when this type of person participates in a conversation, they do so with knowledge and adding value to their intervention. That is, they are people with emotional and social intelligence. In addition, they enjoy the patience that gives them the assurance that, when their turn comes, they will be able to express their opinion.
Meanwhile, the narcissistic person always seeks to attract attention and be the center of his environment. This is due to the high image they have of themselves, so they always seek praise from others. In other words, this is a person who loves to be “the center of the party.”
Some psychologists and professionals have said that this excessive need for attention by narcissistic people is only a reflection of low self-esteem. It has been proven that, in most cases, narcissistic people harbor a feeling of inferiority inside and in the deepest part of their being.
Because they always want to be the center of attention, narcissistic people never put themselves in the shoes of others; that is, they lack empathy.
On the other hand, people with self-esteem know how to have good relationships. Consequently, these people have a capacity for empathy that allows them to communicate with others, listening carefully to the opinions of others. In other words, these types of people are more focused on knowing the feelings of others than on being the center of attention.
4. Narcissistic people are selfish
This is another characteristic to differentiate a narcissistic person from another with self-esteem. The narcissistic person always looks for his well-being. So if such a person ever offers his help, it is because he is actually seeking some kind of benefit.
However, the person with self-esteem is generous or collaborative with others. It is about someone who recognizes the needs of other people and shows solidarity with them.
5. Arrogance Vs Humility
The narcissistic person shows no compassion for anyone, as his priority is always self-centered. On the contrary, a person with self-esteem shows compassion and respect towards others. Just as you value your being, you also value other people in your environment.
With his arrogance, the narcissistic person is arrogant and even envious of the triumphs of others. She will always try to maintain control in any situation, and any criticism of her is offensive to her. Despite the tests they may experience, they do not accept their mistakes and consequently do not learn from their failures.
NARCISSISTS AND RELATIONSHIPS
Relationships with narcissistic people are toxic. Because these people are very self-centered, couple relationships become conflictive and difficult to cope with. At the beginning of the relationship, falling in love is due to physical charm; but over time the personality problems that make the relationship more traumatic are discovered.
A narcissistic person constantly demands the attention of her partner, in addition to being insensitive with respect to the needs of the other. In this sense, narcissists always expect their partner to praise them, which can be very draining physically and mentally.
In addition to this, narcissists underestimate their partner’s abilities, and are insensitive to their needs. This makes the narcissist’s partner feel inferior and useless.
Finally, another point to note regarding narcissists and relationships is that they are people who do not accept their mistakes, so they can constantly insult and blame their partner for their failures. This results in a toxic relationship, in which there is constant oppression and contempt.
Not for nothing narcissists are called “unfaithful by nature”, since they seek to be with a person for the things that they can offer him to achieve his goals. Although not all narcissists are unfaithful, the truth is that they always seek to feel superior and have control of the relationship. This can lead them to see other people as useful objects to achieve their goals.
How to end a relationship with a narcissist
Having a relationship with a narcissist is not an easy task. If this is your case, you have two options: end the relationship or build courage and maintain a relationship with strength and a lot of patience. The challenge will depend on you and your self-esteem.
If your intention is to break the relationship with a narcissistic person, it is good that you take into account the following:
- Emotional firmness
Ending a relationship can affect you on an emotional level, even more so if we are talking about a narcissist and his cunning to manipulate others. Therefore, when ending a relationship with these types of people, you must be firm in your decision, taking into account the psychological abuse you have experienced.
I recommend that you write down each of the things that you have disliked about your partner, and keep them in mind before falling back into their clutches. Remember that a narcissistic person does not know empathy and will never agree with you. If you have self-esteem, value yourself and make the decision without looking back.
- Consider the financial aspect
Sometimes we can become financially dependent on our partner, so many people often settle for someone narcissistic because they do not want to lose their economic stability. That is why, when ending the relationship, you must take this aspect into account.
If it is a marital or concubinage relationship, then it is recommended that you consult with an attorney.
Make sure to foresee the entire financial issue before ending a relationship of this type, as this will avoid many problems.
- Be careful with attacks
If your partner is a narcissistic person on a sadistic and cruel level, you should be very careful. These kinds of people hate losing, and the fact that they end up with them is like a sign of defeat.
Therefore, you must prepare yourself psychologically to face the moment of rupture with dignity. Also, if you are a violent person, lean on your close friends or family. In extreme cases of abuse, it is even recommended that you leave without warning and completely away from your partner.
Remember, you are not alone. There is always someone who is willing to help and support you. Find a refuge in these types of people when you decide to end your relationship with a narcissist.
Also, try to be kind and firm with the things you say to your partner at the time of the breakup. A narcissist can react in several ways: he can get angry, he can cry, or he can even exalt himself and respond with insults or pleas. So don’t fall for the game of responding to their provocations and always try to use compassionate, friendly and firm language.
How to identify a narcissist
In our day to day you can enter with many narcissistic people. With everything we have said so far, surely you have got an idea about how you can identify these types of people.
Aside from the things we’ve mentioned so far, it’s also worth noting that narcissists tend to have more insecurities than other people. I know it can be paradoxical, as narcissists boast of their superiority and love to be the center of attention. However, it is very common that low self-esteem causes narcissists to build an unreal world of superiority as a defense mechanism to hide their true deficiencies.
The feeling of superiority is not the only sign of the lack of self-esteem that narcissistic people have, but that this insecurity also manifests itself in feelings of envy and selfishness. This is why narcissists constantly see the success of others as a threat, and always become defensive when someone corrects them or is against their opinions.
When we meet a narcissist, the first impression we have on them is the image of an outgoing, fun and trustworthy person. However, this is simply an appearance. As we get to know the person more, these positive traits disappear, and we discover that they are actually selfish, insecure and lacking in empathy.
Ultimately, narcissists have conflicting personalities that make their relationships toxic and difficult to cope with. Whether it’s a couple relationship or a simple friendship, narcissists always want to be the center of attention and often ignore the needs of others. These people’s lack of empathy makes it difficult to establish stable and healthy relationships with them.
If reading this article you felt identified or someone you know came to mind, let me tell you that you still have time to do the right thing. You still have time to improve your attitude or end that toxic relationship that is ending all your energy. Therefore, start today to make those small changes that allow you to achieve well-being for yourself and those around you.